The Advice from My Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."