🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.