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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|